Have you ever been in a relationship with someone, I mean like really in a relationship with someone, only to realize that you’ve poured your all into this relationship and they were completely wrong for you from the beginning?
How frustrating and misused that can make you feel when it happens!
This has happened to me several times and it left me putting up blocks on my emotional brick wall with each hurt and betrayal. It was not until I realize that I was holding on to the hurts and pains after my betrayers were long gone, that I decided to unpack each brick layer-by-layer.
Does this sound familiar, friend?
Have you ever experienced hurt and betrayal in a relationship?
It could’ve been a significant other or a parent. Heck, it could’ve been your child. Either way, the hurt is no less painful. Hurt is hurt!
As I began to unpack my brick wall, I realized two things about relationships that I want to share with you. Ready? Let’s go!
Relationships reveal who you are.
I believe that relationships help us to see ourselves for who we really are. Relationships are like mirrors that reflect how you see or feel about yourself. For instance, for people who struggle with finding their value, they often choose relationships that affirm that they don’t have value. On the contrary, a person who is confident and knows their worth, they typically end up with partners who respect them and their boundaries.
There are times when the lens that we use to see others through becomes tainted.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and you think they are the most wonderful person in the world and your best friend tells you that he is not a good partner for you?
Why is that?
Our lens can become tainted by our life experiences such as past relationships and our childhood experiences. This is a concept called Attachment Theory which describes the type of relationship we had with our caregivers during childhood. According to Attachment Theorist, those relationships determine the types of adult relationships that we have (If you’d like to get more information about Attachment Theory, let me know by dropping a comment).
You see, relationships truly do play a huge role in helping to reveal who you are.
If you’ve gotten this far let me just say this…
If you’re reading this, you genuinely want to begin making some changes in the nature of your relationships and I’m glad that you are taking the time to do so. Friend, you are rocking it and I’m proud of you!
Ok.. I had to get that out to let you know how proud of you I am! Now to the next thing relationships reveal about us.
Relationships reveal who you will become.
Growing up, my mom would always tell me that who I hang around matters. She would say, “show me your friends and I can tell you about you”. My mom is an old-school mom that would say the most simple things but they made so much impact. In essence, what she was saying was that our relationships with others impact our lives in such a way that it influences who we are and ultimately, what we become.
Can I share this little story?
Several years ago, I was invited to attend a conference where I would learn about leadership. The conference was PHENOMENAL! I truly believe that it was at this conference that I began to desire building my own creative business enterprise. That’s how much impact it had on me.
The executive administrator for the conference was someone I admired. They called her, Dr. I. She was unapologetically herself, high heels, cute clothes and all! She was someone to be admired. During that particular time, I had no desire to pursue a doctorate degree but after seeing how Dr. I administrated and flowed in her purpose, I was instantly challenged to raise my standard for myself to fulfill my purpose. When I was presented the opportunity to pursue my doctorate, I did it without question and well, the rest is history in the making.
Why am I telling you this?
Before the conference, I saw myself as just another individual. I did not see that I was unique or that I could create my own job. I did not think that I could be a mother and business woman and I definitely did not think I was smart enough to go to doctoral school.
What made the difference?
Being connected to someone who not only imparted knowledge into me but also challenged every limit that I’d put on myself. That what good relationship do for us. They encourage us to become the BEST versions of ourselves or Not 🤷🏾♀️
You get to choose the relationships you are in and as my mom would say, choose wisely. Who you are connected to can make life-long impressions.
Do you find yourself questioning whether or not the relationship you are in is a good one?
Here’s some questions I like to ask clients when taking a hard look at the state of their relationships:
- Is the person you are with consistent?
- Is your partner honest?
- How does he make you feel?
- Is he considerate and thoughtful?
- How does he handle disappointments, hurts and pains?
- Does he do what he say he is going to do, when he says he is going to do it?
Friend, if you’re questioning it, you may have good reason to be doing so. I’d like to offer you a FREE Guide that lists 6 Signs You May Be In A Toxic Relationship. Going through this quick guide will help you determine whether the relationship you in should be further evaluated. Feel free to share it with your friends on social media if you find it helpful.
Till next time,