Self-improvement and personal development are vital to growth on so many levels such as your spiritual, physical, mental health, and relationships.
Ask any Mental Health professional or Personal Development Expert what the main roadblock for a person’s self-improvement is and they will tell you that the ability to make a shift, particularly a mindset shift, is often the largest roadblock.
Why is that the case for so many?
It is my belief that we often lack awareness of the signs that it is time to make a shift in our lives. It is also my belief that when awareness is presented, one cannot simply will their way into making a shift without some sort of pressure encouraging them to do so. For instance, When I decided to re-enroll in college after having my 2nd son and dropping out of college, I did so because I had another little human counting on me to survive.
You see? It was the PRESSURE of being a failure in my children’s eyes that made me want to make a shift. In order for a person who is in a toxic relationship to decide to leave, there must be some kind of PRESSURE presented in order for them to do so.
In fact, the American Addiction Centers and Mentalhealt.net study of 571 people in emotionally and physically abusive relationships reported that about 42% of the respondents remained in the toxic relationship for 1-3 years despite feeling fearful and uncomfortable.
There is something about remaining comfortable that we tend to love even when it is not conducive to our growth and despite feeling the pressure of needing to make a change.
You may not be in a relationship that is abusive and if you are, please don’t remain in that situation. Seek HELP IMMEDIATELY by contacting the Domestic Violence Support Center for further help.
You may be in a pretty good relationship and still feel stuck and unfulfilled or you may feel that your life has no meaning and you have NO IDEA how to change the situation you are in. This is by no means and exclusive list because the reality is, there are several situations that can keep us feeling stuck and we may not be able to pinpoint exactly why. If this is you, then friend, you’ve landed in the right spot. Below are 3 signs that it may be time for you to make a shift in your life.
1. You’re no longer comfortable with status quo.
The number one sign that it may be time to make a shift in your life is that you have the feeling that there is something else that you’re supposed to be doing but you’re not sure what it is. As mentioned previously, we tend to gravitate towards things, places and situations that are comfortable to us—Even when those things may not be what is best for us. When you begin to feel discomfort in your situation, that is a clue that you are at the beginning stages of making a change. The key here is to not ignore it.
2. You start having a desire for more.
The second sign that you are kicking off your self-improvement journey, well internally, is that you begin to desire for change. Because you are no longer comfortable with the situation you are in, you will start seeking ways to fill the void that is in your life. At first, it may begin with making small changes that will grow into bigger changes. For instance, when I decided that I wanted to return to school, I started seeking job opportunities that would help me become more responsible and structured. I also stopped becoming overly reliant on what other people thought about me. I knew that my present situation was not my ultimate destination 🙌🏾 (That’s a word for someone).
3. You become easily irritated by others who have not changed.
Particularly, people who seem like they are comfortable with things that you are no longer comfortable with. You may begin to start avoiding spending time with certain people. You may seek out other types of friends or relationships during this time. You may choose to become super focused on yourself. All of these are normal reactions and signs that a shift is right around the corner.
What to do when you start feeling it’s time for a shift
✅ Self-Evaluate
Is there something that you wish you’d done and put on the back burner? Do you have a desire to do something but too afraid to do it alone? What are some things that I may be afraid of— failing, starting over, etc?
How does holding on to that fear impact your life right now? How has the fear impacted your life in the past?
✅ Be Ok With What People Will Have To Say
There will be tons of people who doubt you along the way. There will also be a ton of people who support you to the wheels fall off. I encourage you to write out all of the bad things that you think people will say about you (because they will say these things), stand in front of a mirror and repeat those things aloud. Notice how their words felt in your body and practice telling yourself, SO WHAT! and keep moving forward anyhow!
✅ Find Your People
Do you already have people in your life that will support you no matter what? If not, keep going anyhow! It may be that you will find your people while you are traveling this new journey. Be open to connecting with people who are unlike you. Don’t be afraid of stepping outside of your “usual type” of friend, relationship, and experiences. Be open to trying something new. Why? Friend, you’re in a zone of learning more about yourself, possibly things you had no idea about. Finding your people means that you only connect with people who support you and will encourage your new changes.
Making any type of change in your life will be work. Often the hardest shift to make is the psychological one, or your way of thinking. Changing your old ways of thinking is vital to sustained growth and self-improvement. Writer, Shana Lebowitz in her article on how a simple Psychological Shift can make you more successful offers tips on the importance of maintaining self-compassion as a component of this shift. Additionally, if you are in need of some examples of some things you can begin to implement into your life as you shift, Envision By World Strides offers us The 6 Most Common Self-Improvement Goals that we can use to incorporate in our personal development journey. Which one will you be incorporating into your life?
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Dr. Tiffany is a wife, mother, entrepreneur, therapist and personal development expert from Mississippi. She enjoys spending time with her family and desires to travel around the world doing what she loves, well once the world opens back up. Her greatest joy is knowing that she is on the journey to accomplish what God has called and purposed for her to accomplish in her life and the life of the women she impact in her business. 